In my many travels I encounter a number of people who share with me their human dramas. I see the suffering and my heart is aching to help them. Even though they want help and sometimes they ask for it, still very often they want to cling to their self-created miseries. I have very little maneuvering space to help them. Deep inside, their souls yearn for change, but their strong minds resist strongly. All what I can do is just continue listening to their misery in hope of finding a little flap here and there in their hearts to receive the message of bhakti that I am inclined to transmit with the grace and help of Paramahamsa Sri Swami Vishwananda, in whom I place all my life. This relationship which two of us enjoy, is not the one between a master and a slave. It is, indeed, the one between two lovers, divine lovers, where our souls meet in the Love Divine. There is no dependency, but deep bond of souls that connects us. And this bond is not from this life. This I know for sure.
When someone tells me that they love this or that person, there is always a question mark on my forehead. In my ignorance about these matters I want to know more and I always ask for more, ‘Do you, really? What do you love about him or her? What attracts you to them? Are you sure this is love?’ I sometimes have a mind of a little child who inquires about the basic human nature. I am like a child without mature brain but with sharp intelligence. I laugh at myself of this description, but I cannot be but skeptic regarding human love as I can see the misery it eventually brings to all.
There is a difference between human love (pyār) and Divine Love (prem). Human love stays here and fades away in time. Divine Love cannot be destroyed. It is, has been, and will ever be. It simply is. With humans you can only experience pyār; only Sadguru can reveal to you prem.
When you experience or meet Divine Love in your heart, even once in a lifetime, all other loves pale in comparison.
But as It is evasive, palpable still intangible by the five senses and the mind, It is very difficult to retain It. That’s where the suffering of the most people begin.
What do we search in that other person whom we tend to love? We are always trying to catch the shadow of the Divine Love. As we fail, we tenaciously grab anything that we encounter on the way. We are sometimes so miserable in our desire for Divine Union that we happily (or unhappily) accept many a compromise. This compromise tends to fail us sooner or later. Sometimes the person we love is only giving us an illusion of hope. All what we ever wanted is to meet our Elusive Beloved. He is shy to show Himself. Only when we convince Him that He is the only One that we want, He will reveal His presence to us. He is always there ready to give Himself completely to us. But are we ready for this Great Lover? He is very impatient, as He wants us more then we want Him; still, he is patiently waiting for any sign from our side.
He is sending us people that we may learn to love and perfect it to Divine Love. But where we fail is that we don’t recognize that it comes from Him. What do we love when we love the other person? We are in love with the beautiful eyes, hair, body, dress, the personality (how we walk, talk, facial expressions)… When we find that the other person enjoys the same hobbies we like, our love increases. When we find out that he or she has a birthday close to ours we even more rejoice, or if that person went to the same school we did, and so on. We are always trying to find the connecting bits that connect us. In other words, we are looking for the perfect image of our own Self. So, my observation when I see couples is that what people call human love is our longing to meet our soul mate. This expression is very popular nowadays. But there is no such thing as soul mates. We feel attracted to some people as we have unfinished certain karma with them. Why there are so many divorces, and many more would happen if people would not be afraid to separate due to many reasons like: kids, finances, place to stay, fear to be alone, etc.
Is somewhere there existing a recipe for happy relationship between human beings?
I have rarely seen a happy couple, especially a long-term relationship. This is possible only when you put your own needs aside and serve the other person as the personification of the Divine. Only then the true and happy relationship can last because in your partner you can perceive none other than God Himself. Only then human love makes sense; only then it does not produce suffering; only then it does not fall, but rise. In English, the expression falling in love is so true when people get into a relationship. But if they put their love relationship in a right perspective, their love will stop falling, but begin to rise.
What in reality do we love when we love another human being is the reflection the other person projects back on us. It is our own image that we love. In truth, we don’t love the other person, but we love ourselves. We depend mostly on our minds and the senses when we get engaged in that relationship. Everything that we understand with the mind has the limit. Senses are very much limited as well. Yes, we say that the heart is telling us. But the heart is not always pure. To be more precise, heart in humans is always pure, but what surrounds it is impure; all the layers upon layers of impurity and selfish desires that prevents the true love inside the heart to penetrate through these bastions.
The true spiritual path consists of removing these heavy and massive walls that engulfs our hearts.
As long as we give the power to the unruly mind that goal seems impossible. Mind cannot be controlled easily, but when we give the heart its throne back, the mind recedes. When this obstacle is removed, then the heart can shine. The key is the Sadguru. We have not enough power to do it. Those who try to use their self-will fail eventually. Surrendering the mind, the will, and one’s life to the feet of the true Master, is the highway to all-around success in life. He is kamadhenu, the wish-fulfilling cow. He is kalpataru, wish-fulfilling divine tree. He is Brahma, Vishnu, Maheshvara in one. He is no other than God.
God placed this divine law into action. We cannot attain Him alone without the help of a Sadguru. Many ‘wise men’ still believe that they have all the power to do it alone, but when God decides to take their breath away, in one second they are perished from this earth. We cannot control our birth, neither our departure from this earth. We cannot control the episodes in our lives. We are like puppets of our own karma. The more we resist the divine laws the more unhappy we become.
If we are unhappy, the quality of our lives drops, and we have less power to even call up for help. When things go right, we believe it is due to our own power. When we are weak, we understand that we are nothing.
When we try all methods of realizing the Self or God, we find out that all our efforts were in vain. The mind gets even stronger, more stubborn, more resilient to our efforts. When we realize the fruitless of our efforts we get into despair. If we use this momentum and offer everything to God, and if we are sincere, God will send us help. He would raise us up.
Am I skeptic regarding human love? Yes and no. I believe it can, and it does exist between people, but only under condition that partners look into one another for that Great Lover, that they respect their differences and serve one another with the Love of God. That is the key of success. Still, this love is imperfect. You have to renounce it one day, as God is a jealous God
”…and do not do God’s work with your heart divided in two, so that only one half belongs to Him and the remaining half to your own flesh. God is a jealous God, and will not suffer your duplicity, your self-pity.” Saint John of Kronstadt
To continue with this great saint;
Watch your heart during all your life – examine it, listen to it, and see what prevents its union with the most blessed Lord. Let this be for you the science of all sciences, and with God’s help you will easily observe what estranges you from God, and what draws you towards Him and unites you to Him. It is the evil spirit more than anything that stands between our hearts and God; he estranges God from us by various passions, or by the desires of the flesh, by the desires of the eyes, and by worldly pride.
Gurudev, Paramahamsa Sri Swami Vishwananda, is often reminding us that supreme dharma of human life to attain that supremacy of Love. The only problem is that we are looking for it in the wrong direction. If we turn our attention inside we will find Him there. When we find Him inside, we will perceive Him everywhere.